Do you fake it?

I mean, are you successful in faking it?

No. No. No. This is not about the Big ‘O’. What I meant to ask is, do you fake it in relationships and at social gatherings?

I for that matter am a big big failure at faking it. And I guess that’s one big reason for me to not have a huge friend circle or relatives who keep pouring in.

I either ‘love you’ or I ‘dislike you’. There is no in between. I prefer to ‘dislike’ because I don’t like to ‘hate’. ‘Hate’ is a very powerful emotion that I have reserved for people who I cannot pardon ever. There are only two people that I hate. Two men. The ones who abused me as a child. Both of them were close family relatives. And then there are those who pinched, groped, hit me on my behind in a moving bus and the likes. I hate them too. But then this is not a #MeToo post. So I refrain from getting into the horrific details of those encounters.

If I love you, I will pledge my life for you. And if I dislike you, I create a huge wall of indifference around myself. A safe cocoon where I don’t let anyone hurt me anymore. It’s a different story that I don’t need anybody else to hurt me. I am good at it myself. I choose to shut myself up rather than playing the blame game and getting into another web of words. For me, actions are emotions. I am ready to endure it all myself but I can’t fake it.

Mom and Dad always taught me to be real. And today, Mom tells me that if you live in a society you must learn to fake it at times. Really?

I have disowned an uncle of mine because he was a complaint box. He always complained about me and the little sis not calling them or visiting them. I took it quietly for a very long time. And one day his wife called me with similar complaint in a tone that I could hardly ignore anymore. I gave it back in the same tone. This couple have two daughters who have never bothered to call or check on my parents in their entire life and they were teaching me how to maintain relationships. I said it as it is and they were mighty offended. I damn don’t care.

A bridge is a two-way path. You can’t expect only one-way communication along it. Can you?

The only time I regret about not faking it is when I lost a friend to the words of another ‘all-weather friend’.

Recently a member from the family blamed me saying I don’t know how to maintain relationships. Yes. I don’t know how to fake it like you. I don’t know how to s… up to people like you. I don’t know how to take it all lying down. She blamed me that I ‘hate’ my people. My upbringing stopped me from lashing at her. This is the person who uses cuss words at older folks, uses them to her own benefit, doesn’t have the basic etiquette of attending people who visit their home and then has the guts to talk nonsense. Most of all, she doesn’t even have any knowledge of the kind of life I have led with these people for all these years. Once more and she’ll no more be in my list at all.

I can’t help it. I just can’t. I am like this. I can’t keep smiling and hugging you when I don’t feel it from within. I can’t keep letting you hurt me for no fault of mine. If this keeps me alone, then be it. I am better off with a few real relationships than a hundred fakers in my life.

The biggest problem with people like me is that we tend to introspect a lot and blame it all on ourselves. But I am done with it. Enough of it all. The more I am thinking of it the more it is hurting me, physically, mentally and emotionally.

But I really want to know, is faking it necessary to maintain relationships? How do you prefer your relationships to be, based on real emotions or fake behaviour? What do you prefer, the truth or false compliments? Do I really need to learn to live a fake life so as to be a part of the society?

I am not perfect. But at least I am not fake.

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Cobweb of Human Relationships – #BarAThon Day 2

Have you ever wondered about the complexity of human relationships?

Have you ever tried to look at a relationship from above the ground?

Such complex confusingly woven web it is.

What’s that one important factor that can help (to a large extent) save/mend complex human relationships?

Relationships are like cobwebs. Tightly woven with delicate strings. A slight push by an external force or a wind from the wrong direction can disturb the balance. Many a times, quite a few strings get broken midway through the journey. The people involved have to be extra careful and equally concerned to keep the strings attached.

Once broken, some of the ties can be mended with efforts from both the parties. But if only one side keeps trying to mend the broken ties, the knot will only get thicker and thicker. Thus obstructing transparency and increasing the load towards one direction. Such relationships finally break beyond repair creating a huge wall that even the wheels of time aren’t able to break. The worst part is that they affect other healthy relationships too.

human relationships

If two individuals are bound to be present in a relationship, there will be differences, repentance, regrets and the likes. And we have seen people breaking the bridge of communication to avoid further regrets. This I believe is the biggest mistake we all make. Do anything. Fight. Accuse. Abuse. Do whatever. But do apologise. Do forgive. And never ever stop communicating.

The moment you stop communicating, there’s no point in faking a relationship. It’s over. Accept it. Or else, the old wounds will keep stealing and scavenging on the relationship. Talk it out. Maybe there’s something you both aren’t aware of. Something that you’ve been missing. What you don’t know is mostly the reason behind fall outs. Communication, open and transparent, might help recognise these negative triggers and isolating them. Thus saving a relationship from a disastrous end.

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I am with Team #CrimsonRush for the #BarAThon from 1st to 7th August 2016.

This post if written for the prompt ‘what you don’t know‘ for August 2, 2016.

barathon

I wish I could name what I am trying to define…

Some links in the chain are not meant to be together for long. However much you try, those links either slip away or are broken. After multiple attempts of repairing you let it go and move on with a completely new set of links. And that’s when something or the other brings back the same episodes all over again. Again and again, refusing to let you move on without them, their memories. The chain, though absolutely complete with new links, still keeps the memories of the broken links fresh in its soul.

It’s the same case with people. Some relationships are not meant to last long. Your paths cross for a very little time to let you make memories that last a life time. There may not be anything wrong with the people involved. There may not be anything wrong in their circumstances. There may not be anything wrong with their families. Still something keeps the relationship from continuing. So much that you have no choice but to move on against your wishes. There is no regret. There is no anger. There is no guilt. There are no complaints. Still a sweet pain lingers on. The spark still fresh in their hearts. No! It is not love anymore. It is not friendship either. It is not anything but a relationship that has evolved into a kind of worship. Worship because you know each other like life and consciousness. Because you respect your choices. Because you are inseparable through age, time and distance. Crossing boundaries that don’t matter. Your heartbeats can recognize each other’s like they are the notes of the same rhythm.

A message, a missed call, an old picture from the album, a piece of torn clothing, an old notebook, a few underlined words, some bold letters, an unexpected incident, a certain fragrance that comes along with the breeze, a particular place, a break in the middle of a journey is all it takes to trigger the remnants of the past. And you know that the memory, that person, that place, that experience, that age, you could never really leave behind. It’s woven into your soul as if they were always an irremovable part of you.

Merged like two consecutive waves of the sea that drift apart into different oceans. Only to meet again and again when the oceans meet at some points in time. No. They don’t long to be together. They don’t wish to meet, talk or chat. An occasional ping from a distance just to know about your well-being. Their prayers are incomplete without each other. Their day doesn’t end without a glimpse of your memories. However much you try, you cannot get them out of your life. Is it because they are your life? Is it because you never really parted ways? Is it because this is how you were meant to be together? Apart, yet in complete sync…