A big sorry! I know I should not have put you and Mom through this. But trust me, both of you did not leave me with much of an option.
From as far ago as I remember, I have only seen the two of you arguing, abusing and accusing each other for everything under the sun. Especially me. I was sure that I was the sole reason. I promised myself that I’ll do my best and shine enough to make you both proud of me. Thus bringing you both closer and making you happier together. And I excelled at everything I pursued; studies as well as sports. I learnt to be organised and helped you manage the house. But I failed in bringing you both together.
At times, while cleaning the mess after the thunderstorm between the two of you, the broken glass pieces did pierce into my skin and made me bleed. But that pain was far less compared to the one I felt in my heart watching you both in your enraged avatars.
I was used to watching Mom withdrawing herself when you screamed at her. She shed tears sitting alone in her room while I would search every single closet in the house to find the reason behind her tears. But all in vain.
Of late, your differences have turned dirtier. The other day when she threw that flower vase at you which hit you on your head and your ear started bleeding, I was there. Right there underneath the dining table. Shivering with fear. I also saw how hard you slapped her and blood oozing out of her nose.
Every night I would lie down on my bed wishing to rebuild our dream home and our life happily ever after. A short while after I see it tumbling down like a house made of a pack of cards. And then I would stay awake frozen on my bed wishing dawn never broke.
The teacher mocked me in front of everyone inside the examination hall because I was ‘day-dreaming about my girlfriend’ instead of answering the paper. I wasn’t present there at all. How could I inform her that I was worried about the two of you getting separated in a few months!
I never had any friends as I had avoided speaking to anyone for fear of letting them into my house and exposing your fights. I don’t think I can ever get into a relationship. Thanks to the two of you!
Last night also I was present there. I heard Mom telling you that she would have left you long back if I wasn’t there. I also heard your response that it was the same reason for you to have stayed this long. I am extremely sorry for having made you stay together in a dead and unhappy marriage for so long. But you never made me feel existent.
I am releasing both of you from all boundaries of attachment. You no longer need to worry about having to stay together for my sake. You both are now free to choose your respective paths irrespective of my existence.
I won’t be able to see the two of you breaking up. I have seen my world fall apart every single day for all these past years. But not this time. It’ll hit me harder than everything else I have witnessed so far. And so I am letting go.
The alphabet for today’s prompt is D and I have chosen Dysfunctional Family and Divorce as the subject. Do share your views.
I have been reading about the increasing rate of divorce in India compared to the previous decades and my heart always went to the children who have had to cope with it.
An article from The Quint says:
The rate of divorce in India is about 13 per 1,000 marriages against 500 in 1,000 marriages in the UK. Divorces granted by the family courts increased by 350 per cent between 2003 and 2011 in Kolkata, and doubled in Mumbai between 2010 and 2014.
Here are a few related articles I read to understand how divorce affects the children.