Theory of Relatives

“The laws of physics are the same for all non-accelerating observers, and the speed of light within a vacuum is the same no matter the speed at which an observer travels.”

…said Albert Einstein in his Theory of Relativity.

I always wanted to do a B.Sc. (Physics) but for my PCB score which dropped by a few points. Thanks to my excessive love for this favourite subject – Chemistry, if not for the viva scores I would have flunked in it. The organic and inorganic chemistry lectures were no less than a death sentence. I died every time carbon molecules attached themselves to other molecules, especially hydrogen. And a whiff of sulphuric acid in the lab made me throw up every single chemistry lesson I had learned till then. To add to it was the brutality subjected by Kidwai Sir’s shayari (poetry)Wah! Wah! The entire class would applaud while I sat there looking for clues on where I was and what was going around.

But Physics. It was that one subject which made me want to attend school. The experiments, the various results and their interpretations. They fascinated me. And Einstein was my secret love till the day I saw his picture hanging on the walls of Physics Lab. Heart broke. Love died a thousand deaths. But I pledged to devise one of my own theory in this lifetime. And I did it.

Albert_Einstein_HeadAlbert Einstein (Picture courtesy: Wikipedia)

Theory of Relatives

The love from your relatives is directly proportional to your success, your assets and your bank balance. The second part of this theory states that their support (read interference) is indirectly proportional to your need. Of course, we cannot generalize. There are exceptions. But majority falls into this category.

DISCLAIMER: My theory is a work of ingenuity and fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. 😉

Relatives lend a helping hand when you least need it. They poke their nose in your everyday affairs as if to taste and check salt in a dish. Offering unsolicited advice is their strength. Turning the simplest of situations into a complex war is their Sun Tzu art. If you ever make a mistake of helping once, you are taken for granted for a lifetime!

You don’t score a CGPA 10? They sulk more than you and your parents. You opt for Fine Arts instead of Engineering or Medical? They are the ones who get worried about your future. You marry out of caste and become an outcast. Thanks to them. They are capable of results that your actions can’t afford to bring. Your father’s blood pressure increases not because you chose your partner. But because of your relatives beating chests and wailing at the top of their voice as if the world has come to an end.

“What? You allow your daughter to wear shorts. This is not our sanskaar (culture).”

“Dance classes? He should focus on his studies. Only that can get him good dahej (dowry) in the marriage market.”

“19-year old Chintu has a mobile? Baba re baba, you are ruining his life. Mark my words, he’ll marry without your permission.

“Your bahu (daughter-in-law) doesn’t wear a ghunghat (veil) on her head? She doesn’t even touch your feet first thing in the morning? Ghor kalyug! Your old age is bound to be spent in a vridhashram (old-age home).”

“Six months into marriage and Dolly hasn’t conceived yet? Her in-laws will send her back for sure. Everyone expects a waaris (heir).”

Relatives. Most family feuds are fuelled by these God-sent angels. They have different rules for you and their own families. Who cares if you don’t take them seriously! They will still continue to “care” for you.

As the Danish proverb goes,

Relatives are the worst friends, said the fox as the dogs took after him.

Thank God we can choose our friends!

And when Robert Downey Jr said, “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the F you were gonna do anyway.” he must be thinking of relatives only!

Jokes apart, life wouldn’t have been fun without them.


5 Replies to “Theory of Relatives”

  1. Good one right there Reks, and more so in a country like ours where nothing can be done without the relatives getting to know about it, and also having an opinion about it 😀

  2. I’m sure by a show of hands we will confirm your theory and have it inscribed in the Hall of Theories!! 😛
    I love Einstein….such an adorable personality he was!!

  3. Hahaha! I generally put this to “Society”. Thankfully, my own relatives have been very understanding 🙂

    I was hooked from the minute I read ‘ And a whiff of sulphuric acid in the lab made me throw up every single chemistry lesson I had learned till then’ 🙂 The sort of line that I wish I had written 🙂

  4. Hahaha, the quote from you is awesome!
    Well, love them or hate them, they will always be there…but i loved your take on their interference in most of the matters where they should not even talk. And when we need them, hardly anybody would come forth!

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