What is fear?
And why do we fear anything or anyone?
Fear is simply an unpleasant emotion that you experience because of a dangerous situation, a painful incident or someone you find harmful to you or your loved ones.
All in all fear occurs because of a threat. A threat that many a times is imaginary. We fear something because we worry imagining about the worst that can or might happen. For example, you fear an illness because you fear losing someone to that disease. You fear because you’ve already seen someone suffer and die of that illness. What you don’t realize is this fear that is there in your mind affects you as well as people around you in a negative way. You’ve got to overcome this fear yourself. Stay firm, store up energy to fight the worst.
When I was 13, I saw one of my uncles (a BSF jawan) suffer an acute case of abdominal cancer. His elder son, a toddler, was in a hostel in a different state and his wife underwent a C-section in Kerala on the same day when uncle was undergoing a lengthy surgical procedure at Safdarjung Hospital, Delhi. I still remember how the aunt flew to Delhi with the elder son and the newborn just to get a glimpse of her husband. Treatment and destiny prolonged his life for another year that he could spend with his family. This incident made me so scared that whenever anyone at home fell ill, be it a fever or a simple stomach infection, I always dreaded the worst and kept worrying and praying. I was always worried that I might lose all of my loved ones to some illness or the other.
Another example. You’re well aware of what a particular friend thinks about you. You know what they talk about you behind your back. But you’re afraid to confront them. You fear telling the truth to them because you fear losing them. You’re afraid because you value that relationship much more than anything else. You don’t want to let go of those beautiful moments that you shared with them. But the truth is the rope connecting you with them has given in to the tension that’s there on your mind. Your self-respect and your self-esteem have been hurt. You both start getting vibes that help you understand what’s brewing. The more you ignore these vibes, the more harm you’re doing to yourself and to the relationship. It is always better to talk it out. But you must be prepared to face the worst. Most of the times a positive confrontation at the right time may save the relationship. But sometimes when you delay the confrontation, your pent up frustration, helplessness, and fear explodes. Thus burning whatever little remains of the once beautiful relationship. The burning up is still a lot better. It frees both of you from the unnecessary stress. And you won’t hate each other. You’ll rather accept each other for who you are. A lot of courage is required to attempt this and this is extremely painful.
Having been through the worst in some of these cases, I now feel that the amount of time I wasted ‘fearing the outcome’ was immense. I could have put them to better use. At the end of the day, nothing remains but this day. So stop fearing. I know I am sounding philosophical. But then I have to say what I actually think and feel. And this is my space.
Fear troubles you only till you have entered that particular door. Once you’ve been through it, irrespective of whatever be the outcome, you come out as a much more simpler, calmer and mature person. The fear of the worst once experienced vanishes forever. Well, almost. You now know that there’s nothing worse that can happen beyond this. It’s just like your first swimming class. Or the first flight for a baby bird. Yes. I have experienced that on my first paragliding experience in Goa. I started yelling, screaming and crying as soon as the balloon shored up along with me. I cried my lungs out with my eyes closed. And once I was up there in the air and was sure that no one could hear me and no one could know what I was undergoing, I stopped. The tears dried up within no time. And then I slowly opened my eyes and learnt to enjoy what I saw from up there. Dolphins, mountains, the crystal clear waters. I must say one of a kind experience it was. More because I’m scared of heights. Once in there, you come out as a winner. May be not perfect. But with a lot more clarity in thoughts.
I’m not sure why I have scribbled down all of this balderdash. May be the pain still remains. Or maybe I still value the people and the relationships that I lost .