Companions Forever

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Words that speak to me. They give me company on a regular work day. Repetitious. But I cherish them. Because they know me. We speak. We can understand each other. The note pad that gets scribbled upon with the endless list of things-to-do. I love it. I love writing down the simplest of tasks. It keeps the words etched in your memory forever. You don’t forget anything that’s written down. It gets clicked as a picture. A picture whose background can be drawn by your imagination. I have a note pad in my kitchen too. I scribble down anything and everything.

Nothing gives me the feel like written words. I miss my diary writing days. Time to get back. Even if it’s just a line, ‘An awesome day at work’, ‘Fun time with friends’, ‘Bless the kiddoos for the wonderful portrait : a piggy I looked :-P’. It gives you a wonderful feeling.

As a child, I have written letters to God. And yes, I posted them too. No. Not in the post box. But in the Hundi (DaanPatra or Donation Pot). I hope no one read it. I wrote complete name and address, so that He doesn’t get confused between me and the neighbor who was my namesake. Innocence of childhood. Simply pure like a dew drop. Wish I could be a child again. Life was far more simple. May be it looks that way from where I am watching it now. But then, during those days it was as complex as it could be.

What if the teacher noticed that I had written, “I’ll not talk in the classroom.” only 99 times and not 100 times?

What if Mom noticed that out of the seven mangoes only six are left because I ate one without telling her?

What if my friends get to know that I didn’t get the Nancy Drew as a birthday gift from Mom, but I lied to them?

What if the post man delivers the letter to someone other than Dad and he gets to read my complaints about Mom? What if that someone informs Mom through a phone call? How bad she’ll feel? Then I would pacify myself saying ‘Thank God! STD costs are too high.’ A little later I would still feel worried about it and then I’ll tear off the letter.

Such were the complexities of our life during those days.

Written words are simply amazing. When you go back to them after years it’s such a fun to read all that you scribbled down. Be it rants, complaints, success stories, tragic encounters, funny anecdotes, little moments of love, friendship and parenthood. Written words make them all beautiful. Yes even the rants and the sad stories.

I recently took out my diary from the year 2003-2004. Marriage, a home and my people left behind, new household, new family and a new and more responsible job profile. Everything and everyone was new all around me. Nothing familiar. No one I knew. It felt like I was being pushed into a whirlpool. The only saving grace: the man I got married to. I was shy. I was naïve. I was scared. I didn’t know who to talk about my insecurities, my fears or share my anxieties with. I didn’t share with anyone. I kept aloof from everyone. So much that some friends thought I had become arrogant overnight. Almost lost all of them. And that was when I again became friends with my forever friend: my diary. We spoke. We laughed. We cried. Together. With every word being etched on those pages, my heart felt relieved and clear. He never responded. But he listened patiently. And didn’t share it with anyone else. Something others wouldn’t have done. And at the end of it all, on some of the pages, there were notes in a separate handwriting. Ones by my man. Written exclusively for me. A feeling indescribable. Wherever I used to hide it, he would find it out. And I love him for having left those tiny notes behind for me to read when he went on his long tours.

Reminded me of how we used to enter into cold wars and since it was just the two of us there were some matters that required to be discussed. We would break the ice by starting our conversation by speaking in third person, like ‘koi kisise kuch kehna chahta hai’, ‘koi kisise kuch keh sakta hai’. It was such fun that we would end up laughing till our tummies burst.

That gave me an idea which I have taught the kids. When Mamma gets angry at one of them the other one has to scold the bad Mamma, so that she leaves the good Mamma for them. A deal which I hope works. For now, it’s just fun for us.

 

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41 Replies to “Companions Forever”

  1. yeah but those were GOOD complexities compared to the ones now , I will trade those anyday right now .. (is the devil listening ) he he he he

    so what’s in food for the fairies 🙂

  2. This was just such a beautiful and heartwarming post pouring your heart out. I also wish I had this habit of jotting things down in a notepad. When I was talking to S the other day, I realized that I don’t remember quite large patches of our initial married days. I must be developing some kind of variant of insomnia 😀 If I had your habit, I could at least have referred to those notes 🙂

    1. Ha ha ha…not your fault Jai! V too doesn’t remember most part of the 11+ years spent together. 🙂 But I ensure to remind him every now and then even if he doesn’t want to remember. 😉 Tactics you see! 😀 I’m sure you’re praying that S never meets me. 😛

  3. Those were the days where everything was so perfect and beautiful days of yore. I remember those days where we would jot in a diary every lil things. I still have a diary and nothing beats the joy of inking. It’s a beautiful, very beautiful post:)

  4. I never took to diary writing with the zest I had when I decided to try and do it 🙂 A few poems here and there, some thoughts on the day. It didn’t last long. But I do agree with the first of that “complex” thought 🙂 I used to wonder the same. And to be fair, the teacher did count sometimes or make me number them 😉
    Also, if that is your handwriting, I love it! 😀

    1. Leo, I took up diary writing at the age of 5 when my Dad went abroad for an international stint. He was away from us for over a decade and it was only my diaries and his letters that gave me company those days. And my mom was one of the teachers who gave me imposition as punishment, so you can imagine my plight. That indeed is my writing. I wouldn’t call it good, but average it indeed is. Thank you! 🙂

  5. The journal is a treasure chest of our precious thought nuggets. I always like to pen something in mine whenever I can for I carry it with me. This post sent warm fuzzy liquidy feeling within me and I smiled at the innocent complexities. Each age has its own, na? Do you still write in your journal, dear Rekha?

    1. Susan, I do carry mine on my solo official trips.The lonely nights spent in the hotel room are put to good use by scribbling my thoughts. I still continue to write in my diary but the frequency has reduced because of lack of time. Or may be because I now scribble down most of my thoughts here on this blog. Thank you for taking time to read. 🙂

  6. Beautiful post Rekha… I loved the third person conversations and also the bad mamma and good mamma idea.
    I too love reading my old diaries. Sharing a quote which I have jotted on this year’s diary.
    ‘We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.’
    Anais Nin

    1. Preeti I just love your choice of quotes. Marvellous!
      And yes those third person conversations were indeed cute and gave us good company. 🙂

  7. Such a lovely and a heartwarming post, Rekha! I am a list person too and write everything and anything in my lists. And I love the feeling of putting a tick against the items in the list. In fact, a few days ago, I was doing spring cleaning and I saw a note pad which was titled Or Home and I had listed things that we would need room wise after marriage. And the ticks against them in different pens at different points of time and some after years, brought back such warm and good old memories.
    Smiling at your third person talks. Very cute! 🙂

    1. “And I love the feeling of putting a tick against the items in the list.”

      Shilpa, we are very similar on this front as I also love putting a tick against each of those items on the lists. Thanks for reading! 🙂

  8. This reads like a post that just happened, in a very good way of course! It seems to come from a place where all was felt, rather seen and you just needed to put your fingers on the keyboard and it all came flowing outward. Lovely read, Rekha!

  9. lovely deserving post of the Spicy Saturday award 🙂
    I used to guard my diary religiously when I was young… its still hidden somewhere safe though its nearly 2 decades old now.. holds some very precious memories of my life.

    1. Thanks Roshan! I am very bad at hiding. Be it the diary, my feelings or my emotions. They just flow without boundaries and get caught. 🙂 Pick up your diary and go through it. I’m sure you’ll feel fresh reminiscing the good old thoughts. 🙂

  10. Lovely post, Rekha! I never wrote a diary. Never. I wonder why. But once I started the blog, I wrote and wrote. So many memories of us, children… Loved reading your memories.

    1. Thanks Rachna! And I have never lived without a diary. It used to be someone I considered as Dad first and then a friend and a confidante. 🙂

  11. For some reason, I never wrote my thoughts in a diary. Except once or twice, that too was easily discovered! I guess the issue in my case was discover-ability. Maybe if I had my own locker with only one key, I might have maintained a diary. I do have some stories written two decades earlier, by me. But I am scared to look at them now 🙂
    Destination Infinity

    1. Rajesh, for the 22 years that I spent at my parent’s place, I didn’t have a personal cabinet or a corner to hide the diary. It used to be within my bagpack, always. While other kids would be busy spending the lunch break finishing their tiffins, I would be busy jotting down my thoughts or writing letters to Dad. I guess his physical absence made me take up writing as a hobby. And I just love going back to those pages of childhood that I have scribbled. One of these days, I’ll post a poem I had penned on Dad when I was 8. 🙂

      1. I have a few papers which carry few of my writings from school/college days. The thing is, I am afraid to look back at them now – they read so bad that editing something will take more time than writing one more piece!
        Destination Infinity

  12. Simple but beautifully written post. Very nice Rekha!! This is my first time stopping by your page.
    I am also in favor of maintaining a dairy. You cannot tell each and everything into words. But you need an outlet. This is the time when this quite pal comes into picture. You can just anything that comes to your mind and you diary listens to it patiently without judging you.
    Also, making a list has always worked for me. Now, my daughter also makes her own list when she has to get something from store..:)
    Keep writing!!

    1. Thank you for dropping by Alpana! It indeed acts like a BFF and a confidante. Even my firstborn, who’s 8 years old, has already started maintaining her own diary which I peep into sometimes without her permission. She’s extremely shy and introvert (just like me) and hence it helps to read her little thoughts to understand her better. 🙂

  13. Wow Rekha Wow! This post really touched my heart. U took me back to my childhood days. The fact that u r such a pure soul gets reflected in this post. May God bless u and ur family!

    1. Thank you so much for those kind words, Manoj! Pure or not, write I do. When we were sitting on those benches in school, you would have never thought about me this way, right? I have recently heard from some of our batchmates that they used to consider me as an extremely arrogant person being a teacher’s daughter. 🙂

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