Innocence That Made Me Feel Shameful

When you are going through a rough patch in your life, you tend to spill over the dirt around everywhere you go. The dirt made of bottled up anger, pent-up frustration, loads of uncertainty, continuous suppression and so on. I spilled some yesterday night. And I feel shameful at my own behavior.

It was the first day of school after the summer vacations. It was the first day of the school after I had chucked out the full-time help. I have employed a part-time help for the morning rush who comes early in the morning and helps me with the breakfast and tiffin stuff. I had gotten up an hour early to ensure everything is ready for the girls and hubby doesn’t have to bother much.

  • Holiday Homework – check
  • Time-table wise books and Pencil box – check
  • Water bottle and tiffin – check
  • Uniforms, belt, shoes and socks – check
  • Spare dress and sandals for Lil Love to change at school – check

In short, I had done everything perfectly and well on time. And we all left for our respective destinations peacefully.

In the evening the kids got back with their grandmother just an hour before I reached. When I sat down to check their homework and diary, I found a note which said, “Please send the EVS workbook and Mental Maths book.

I searched the entire house. Every possible corner. I couldn’t find it. Hubby searched. He too couldn’t find. I was furious because just a few days ago I had myself handed over the books to Lil Love to keep it in her bag so that they don’t get misplaced. I scolded her many times and when she responded with a blank face (her eyes still glued to her favourite cartoon show on TV), I spanked her. Twice or thrice.

Later on, hubby came and informed me that the poor kid had submitted those two books at school instead of the holiday homework and didn’t tell me because she didn’t understand what the entire commotion was about. I called her to hug her. She came and kissed me on my forehead.

I asked, “Aapne Mamma ko bataya kyun nahi? (Why didn’t you tell Mamma?)”

She replied, “Mujhe to pata hi nahi tha ki aap kya dhoond rahe ho? (I didn’t know what you were searching for.)”

Her innocence killed me. How easily she had forgiven me!

I haven’t felt as shameful as this ever before. I hate it but I do lose my temper quite often. Especially with the kids. Thank God that they do have a mature and sensible father.

Something that needs to be taken care of because there is no point repenting afterwards.

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19 Replies to “Innocence That Made Me Feel Shameful”

  1. Awww! I feel like hugging you both! Have experienced this and have felt so shitty afterwards! But kids are so forgiving and so good at accepting too. Wonder why these traits vanish as we grow up!

  2. Sometimes, children can teach us a lot. Worry not, Rekha tis too shall pass and there are certain thing that we cannot help..lets go with the flow. Ive been in this frustration situation for a year or so but things seems to improve:)

  3. kids teach us a lot everyday .. and as Shilpa says why do we have to grow up and lose all this innocence… How can we not learn from kids and forgive and forget so easily

    Now go and get a ice cream for the little one 🙂 GOd bless

  4. The sheer beauty of the innocence of Lil Love comes through in this post so well that I couldn’t help but smile at how wonderfully pure childhood is 🙂

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