After a short break, I was glad that I could get back to reading this weekend. I read almost 30-40 blog posts over the weekend. And early this morning I read this article about the lies about parenting.
Though the article didn’t add any value to my idea of parenting, I couldn’t agree more with the fact that it definitely is one of the things that leaves you ‘exhausted’. I did leave a comment for the author without being judgmental about the article or her views.
Here’s my comment on this post:
“I don’t think anything else can be truer than this (I meant the exhaustion part). Honestly, motherhood has to be a choice that the parents make, especially the mother. It takes the whole of you and a little more to bring up another living being. And to enjoy this exhaustion, it really has to be your choice. And as the author says, it is not always the same. Sometimes tiring, sometimes rewarding. But at the end of it all, it is exhausting and really exhausting. Period.“
In the evening I got to read this.
The author spoke for almost all of us out here. And here is my comment on this open letter:
“Kudos to you Swapna for writing this peace (I meant ‘piece’ and not ‘peace’. Perils of using predictive text on your ‘smart’ phone 😛 ). I read this article too and did comment on it too. As I said there it has to be one’s own choice and unless you’re ready for it mentally and physically, you can never enjoy it. I think all mothers that way are learning by the day. I also feel the mere requirement of putting one’s interests back to take care of someone else’s itself makes you selfless without even boasting about it. Your article definitely speaks for the millions of moms out there. Like you said, motherhood is exhausting just like any other activity. Condemning it completely I believe is way too immature on anybody’s part.“
I would not like to comment on the choices/views of anybody: those who are for parenting, those who are against parenting and those who are neutral. I would rather love to believe in what parenting is for me. Whether you like it or not is something you are free to choose.
I am a mother of two. An 8-year old and a 5-year old. Parenting to me was a choice. Purely my choice. But unlike many fortunate ones, it did not come easily to me. I have craved for kids. And that I suppose makes parenting even more touchy a topic for me. I dislike to get into any kind of debate or argument with anyone on this issue because I feel it is a very personal matter. I also feel that to enjoy parenting one has to be at peace with oneself and be adaptive. From conceiving, to delivering, to postpartum sleepless nights, to handling a crawling baby, to managing a toddler’s tantrums, to dealing with teenage attitude and so on, without doubt it is a huge responsibility for both the parents, especially the one who spends more time with the children. At the same time it is those little moments of parenting that make you feel that all the pain, the tiring routine, the exhaustion was and is worth it.
Like the five fingers, not all days are the same. Some days are peaceful, some days are blissful, some are tiring, some are terrible. But then that’s what life is. Even with any other responsibility like, job, married life, friendship or anything else, there is no guarantee that life will be sailing smooth all the time. High tides and low tides are a part and parcel of this journey called life. So just like everything else, parenting too comes with highs and lows, expected and unexpected, surprises or no surprises.
What makes parenting blissful to me are these lovely moments, which do agitate me many a times and amaze me at some other times. But all in all it is a treasured experience for sure.
– The journey begins with the simple sight of a tadpole swimming across the embryonic sac. However big they grow up to be, I’ll never be able to forget that particular moment and the joy I felt.
– When both the parents together get to see a yawning baby on the monitor of the USG machine. Isn’t that blissful?
– The hiccups of the baby resulting in giggles for you or the untimely kicks which results in you screaming without realizing that you’re in a meeting…an experience in themselves these experiences were.
– The way the baby checks for you and your touch at night even while in deep sleep.
– A peck on the cheek from those chocolaty lips. Imagine getting this right when you’re about to leave for work. 🙂
– My little one jumps to hug me many a times and keeps pestering till I give her a tight one. Only later do I realize that all she wanted was to clean her face on my dupatta, just to annoy me.
– How about getting an unexpected ‘Mamma, I love you. I love you a lot. You’re the best Mamma in this world.‘ just when you have come out of an eventful (read action-packed) meeting? Trust me when I say that it is the most timely and reassuring messages I’ve ever received.
– When you child imitates you and says, “Ab aap kahogi, aisa mat karo.” (Translation: “Now you’ll say, don’t do it like this.“)
– How about the fights between the siblings on who will open the door for Mamma just as you’re waiting outside with your backpack? I know after a day’s hard-work, it is really annoying to wait outside waiting for them to open the door. But then isn’t it their love for you that makes them fight for you? Trust me at that particular moment I do shout and scream at them like a barking dog. But those are moments or acts that I cherish.
I am no God. Nor a supernatural being. And thus I do get tired. I do feel exhausted. I do feel low. I do feel tied up. And like most of you, I do shout and scream at the kids. There have been episodes when I have literally put down the few months-old baby on the bed in the middle of the night because I was tired of lack of sleep or of feeding them breast milk again and again. But that does not mean that parenting is not blissful or is not an experience worth it or that I don’t love my babies. To me, it is the most satisfying experience when my little ones give me a hug early in the morning or late in the evening or for that matter at any time of the day.
So to all parents by way of conception or by way of adoption and to all those who are yet to decide whether or not they would want to get into parenting, like every other experience of life, parenting too is a roller-coaster ride. If you are afraid of it, it’ll scare you every single minute. If you enjoy it like any other learning experience or adventure, you’ll enjoy every bit of it. Tiring and exhausting it is, just like any other experience. But the joys attached are priceless too.
Having kids or no kids is purely your choice, but to me it was a boon granted. Two girls is what I have always wanted and I am blessed to have been able to bear them and rear them. Your mindset is what makes anything and everything blissful. No book, no group discussion, no article, nobody, but you are the right person to judge and make your own choice. And once you’ve made your choice, you’ll surely enjoy it. Just like not everybody is interested in getting married, or working, or being friends, or cooking; parenting too is a choice that one makes. Societal pressures cannot be a reason for someone to condemn parenting. What the world or a particular person thinks about parenting and the ‘lies about parenting‘ will not affect my views on it ever.
I for sure will never regret being a parent, and thankfully a mother at that. I love being a Mom. Exhausted or not exhausted. Period.
Trust yourselves and make your own choices. Life definitely will be blissful.