My Cooking Disasters

India, America, Russia, Australia, Africa, Germany, Finland, Sweden, China, Antartica and even Utopia.

Any idea what these countries have in common?

Rack your brains…

Just a little bit more…

Okay. Okay. I know you aren’t as smart as I am, so here’s the answer.

All these countries have the privilege of being outlined by me almost every single day.

Did you ask why?

I hope you remember my husband’s Chappattas of I Love My Chappati fame. So the me that made fun of my husband’s chappattas is going to confess today that though I do make reasonably okay chappattis, I cannot and CANNOT make a round one at all. I end up making maps and clouds.

The husband is extremely cautious about oil intake. So much that since the age of 27 when he got married to me, he’s been telling me that we are reaching 40 and we must be careful with fat and oil. 😛 All this only when I have a craving for a fried food. When he has a craving, we go back to our teens you know. 😉

Just joking! Poor thing is worried more for me, as much before inheriting ancestral property, I have inherited diabetes and triglycerides from my Mom and Dad respectively. But the thing is me being me, I am supposed to make only disasters in kitchen.

cooking-disasters

Whenever I cook wishing to make the best dish and serve my family, I end up making only disaster. Whenever I put in my 100% in kitchen, the results are way below average.

  • Rice gets over-cooked
  • Dosas and Chappatis look like cut pieces of clothes at a tailor’s shop
  • Dal ends up tasting Lahsuni  (all of us dislike it)
  • Chicken floats in oil
  • Rajma is so spicy that one can see smoke coming out of everyone’s ears.
  • Sambhar is either thicker than porridge or is thinner than kerosene
  • Idli can either be used instead of FeviStick or can be used as Cosco balls
  • Half Fry will always become full fry as the yolk breaks 99 out of 100 times
  • Tea tastes as sweet as my blood
  • And salt…a separate post can be written on My adventures with NaCl (Sodium Chloride).

how to fix common cooking mistakes

I have had days when hubby patiently taught me the difference between a pinch and a teaspoon-full, and days when he actually got so frustrated that instead of wasting time breaking his head against the wall known as my brain, he would call up the nearest restaurant and order food. Recently, I prepared chicken to make up for a fight and fed the children and then the hubby and finally when I sat down to have my chappati, I almost cried for the poor soul, who finished his food without a single word. Yes. My chicken curry was saltier than sea water. 😦  But then, I would like to believe what matters is the love that I added while cooking. 😛

Why go far? Last week, I woke up at 5 a.m. 15 minutes before my scheduled waking up time and thought I would complete my tasks early and would wake up the girls with all my love, instead of the usual, “Wake up fast and get into the washroom. or “Fast, Fast, Fast. I have to leave for work.” Though I’m a genius at multi-tasking (No. No. I am not tooting my own horn), I ended up burning the gravy that I had prepared for Rajma because I was busy ironing clothes. :-/

disaster1

All this when I started cooking at the age of 11. I have been cooking since then and trust me I make reasonably okay food if I don’t put in my heart and brain into it. The moment I try putting my heart and brain, everything goes for a toss. One of those times, when I do agree with hubby that I should not try putting in things that aren’t available. 😛 Of course, I gave him my heart long back, but my brain…may be that too got passed on by mistake. Now I know how he became so wise. 😉

I bake cakes once a year. Sometime during Christmas. I have been making them since I was in college and the cakes did come out pretty well. 2-3 years back, I baked a cake for my Dad’s birthday. I bought a Borosil glass pan and the ingredients and prepared the mix. Baked the cake and in the evening I set the table so lovingly for my Dad to cut the cake. He picked up the knife and went on to cut the cake. Alas! Another disaster. The cake was as hard as a grindstone. Where did I go wrong? I have no clue. This was not the first time I was baking a cake. But then, such incidents happen to me when they are least expected. We could have saved it to hurl at a robber if ever one entered our place. Positive thinking it is! 😀

Yes. A big fat disaster I am in the kitchen.

So given a chance I would like to master the skill named COOKING. It’ll definitely save my family from further torture.

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This post is part of the WordPress Daily Prompts : 365 Writing Prompts program where the aim is to post at least once a day based on the prompts that they have provided. Today’s prompt is, I got skills: If you could choose to be a master (or mistress) of any skill in the world, which skill would you pick?

The author Rekha Dhyani is one of the contributors to the We Post Daily and blogs regularly at Dew Drops. She also shares her lucky clicks at The Crystal Trance

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23 thoughts on “My Cooking Disasters

  1. Pingback: My Cooking Disasters | Project 365 : A post a day

  2. Reks, here I was thinking of asking you for the recipe for apple kalakand whose pictures you had put up on FB during Diwali time. After having read this post, I think it is better that we catch you at your place unannounced rather than letting you know in advance, and you end up putting your heart and brains into the meal itself 😀

    Just kidding, loved the post where you so humorously describe your love for cooking and some of the disasters that your kitchen has seen. As for my own cooking exploits, my wife can start writing a separate blog about those stories if she chooses to do so, and guess what one lifetime wouldn’t even be enough for the choice words she has for my cooking ‘exploits’ 🙂

    Truly loved this post, which as usual, was a piece of your heart in the form of sentences and paragraphs, which is what makes you such an endearing writer 🙂

  3. Ha ha ha, that was so funny!!! Sometimes when I cook with whatever I feel like, I turn up with a pretty good dish. Try to replicate it, and it never turns out as good :). BTW, I haven’t had success baking with Borosil as well. The good ol’ Aluminium pans work best!

  4. You’ve probably written this post in a heavy finger-pointing (at yourself!) mood! The disasters you’ve described happen once in a while to almost everybody who cooks regularly.
    Like in the case of the over-salty chicken, what matters most is the sentiment of the person who cooked it and the sentiment of those who gladly ate it.

  5. ROFL….actually no, rolling out of bed laughing more like it. Another fabulous post. Humorous, lovable with a wee bit if madness …just like you I’d say. I know that statement may get me into trouble but I am not going to dwell on that 🙂 So as Jai said, we will come to your house unannounced thereby minimising the chances of a kitchen disaster. But then, you have always said that you are either a foodie nor do you enjoy the cooking that much. So if this is indeed true then it really isn’t so much of a surprise ;).great post Rex

  6. Enjoyed your post! It is pretty difficult to make a round chapatti, if I remember. I was in Kerala about eight years ago at Manaltheeram receiving Ayurveda. The food was to die for. LOL. I fare the same way as you in the kitchen. I’ve taken over the cooking for my mother since she’s become older and tires easily. I’ve struggled with preparing pot roast and gravy! Once, by chance, it came out great! But otherwise, the fates are against me. =)
    Love Kerala and South India!
    Ha ha! Liked your photos in the post!
    Amy

  7. My signature dishes flop miserably when guests are around. The other day I made neer dosa for some guests and they were throwing those ‘paavam’ glances at my hubby and child 😀

  8. 100 yrs for you.. i was thinking of this morning that why am i not getting yours post updates 😀 n see here you are with your post 🙂

    it happens with me as well… when i try making things with my heart n soul, everythings turns out to be disaster 😦 but koi nahi chalta hai… 🙂

  9. i can so relate……the rice i cook is always too soft…most things i fry get burnt even if im tending to it the whole time…whew…the checklist for my future husband will have “a great cooker” on top 🙂 enjoyed the post!

  10. great post! i hate cooking and i’m terrible at it. the most i do is make tea, and then too i let the milk boil over like 3 times out of 5. And all this standing right in the kitchen!

  11. Same pinch dear yours and mine story is not so different after marriage I also have also started doubting my culinary skills hi hi hi…..

  12. Ah, Rekha, the word disaster got me here. I had to, just had to read and comment. Oh, BTW my chappatis come round. That is one thing I am real good at. The other stuff, nah! So we have two cooks at home. 😀

    I can totally understand your plight. And when the world’s best chefs are men, I wonder why the women need to cook at all? 😛

    Quite a riot, this one was.

  13. hahaha Rekha! Your travails in the kitchen are hair raising :). I am a pretty good cook so I really can’t contribute much to the cooking bashing discussion :). Fun read!

  14. LOL!!! That was funny! 😀
    I can’t make round chapathis either! Whats the big deal abt them being round anyway?! 😛
    I enjoy cooking. but on days when I’m bored – even the food tastes boring!! 😉 😀

  15. Wow. smiling away 🙂 I tell you the worst comes out of our pots n pans when we want them to dish out the best. The rest of the time I think, we could settle for decent dishes. I have a diary of order in restaurants for the few days when the cook is on leave !! Oh, But, I do make lovely chapatis, only if the dough is done 😉

  16. Pingback: Frugal Living: 18 Tips on How to Live Like a Cheapskate!

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