Life’s NOT FAIR (Guest Post by Nischala Murthy Kaushik)

I am honoured to present Nischal Murthy Kaushik who blogs at Nischala’s Space, Thoughts and Expressions & VERVE : The Quintessence of my Life. I used to read her posts on Parentous which made me connect with her easily…motherhood connection you know! Later on, I got to know more of her through our common connection Write TribeAnd thus the friendship continues. I asked Nischala for her profile and the one she sent me was just something I had to share as it is. It’s that perfect. 🙂 You’ll understand it once you go through her post. 🙂

So here’s Nischala for you…

Engineer and Management Graduate (IIMB Alumni) by Education | IT / Innovation / Marketing Specialist by Profession | Daughter / Sister / Mother by “Divine Grace” | Wife by ruling of the Heart | Philosopher by Circumstance (after I became a mother – essential for BALANCE) | Google / Blog / Twitter / Social Media Lover by Era | Writer by Passion | Dreamer by Compulsion | Student of Life by Choice | Eternal Optimist by Necessity | Chief Happiness Officer of my LIFE by Realization | Blogger at Nischala’s Space, Thoughts and Expressions & VERVE : The Quintessence of my Life | On Twitter @nimu9

Thank you so much Nischala for such a beautiful post! As shared with you I have my own experiences to relate to it. 🙂

Now without taking much of your time, let’s get into Nischala’s guest post for Dew Drops.

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She was all of 2 days old. New to this world. She’d just arrived, and was oblivious to everything around her and in her.

It was about 7 PM and time for her feed. Suckle… Suckle…Suckle….……. Suckle… Suckle…Suckle…….…. Suckle… Suckle…Suckle. And then she started crying. She refused to have milk. In a few seconds, we realize d that she was falling short of breath. I knew something was wrong.  I patted her and then held her on my shoulder. Still, there was no change. Slowly, she was turning blue.

In such moments, your mind steps back, and heart usually takes over. Worry, Anxiety, Helplessness, Fear… So many emotions flood through your body that you tend to freeze in the moment. By sheer presence of mind, we dashed to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) or Nursery as they call it in many hospitals. Thankfully, she was attended to immediately. Apparently, she had suckled milk into her wind-pipe and was choking. The child-care specialist provided the required medical intervention to normalize her breathing. After about 45 minutes of examination and a round of tests, she appeared to be okay; but the doctors said that they needed to run a few more tests and monitor her for a couple of hours before they declared her perfectly fine.

It was only then that they let me into the NICU. It broke my heart to see her there. She was all wired up to monitor her heart rate and other key vital parameters. Entangled between the wires, amidst all the beeps and monitors around, she was sleeping.  She looked perfect, beautiful and angelic. I had so many mixed emotions, but mostly felt helpless. “What had I done wrong to put her here?” – Mostly guilt, fear, helplessness and most importantly, how small we really are in the ways of the universe. “Life’s NOT FAIR” I thought to myself. What has she done to deserve a place in the NICU? All the wise people I know always say that everything happens in your life is due to your karma. “What karma had she possibly done in 2 days that brought her to the NICU!” I wondered.

The next few hours were probably and possibly the most difficult moments of my life – Just hoping, praying and wishing that she is fine. Thankfully, she was medically certified as “perfectly fine” by about 3 AM. I was ecstatic to see her and hold her in my arms. One of those moments which I can probably never really describe, but if you’re a parent – I guess you can relate. It’s one of those moments in which you feel immense gratitude and unconditional love for the moment.

Yes! That’s my story as mother and the baby was my little daughter! The episode was a nightmare.

The next morning, I went over to the NICU to thank the doctors and the nurse-on-duty. It was only then that I saw the complete view. Last night, my eyes were on my baby ONLY!  There were 7 other babies in the NICU. It broke my heart to see them. There were twins whose birth weights were 1.4 kgs and 1.6 kgs. They were so fragile and delicate. It broke my heart to see them amidst all the wires. There was a new born baby who had heart complications. The doctors were not sure if she’d make it! She looked beautiful and was sleeping blissfully. I prayed that she’d make it. There were 2 babies who had jaundice. They’d be fine in 24 hours is what I learned. There was another baby who had fever, and was refusing milk. He was wailing and howling, and all the medical staff was attending to him. The doctor recommended a blood test. I stood numb as the nurse went about her job with the needle. A quick prick. A loud wail and the blood oozed out. It was such a vulnerable moment for me and the baby – It again broke my heart to see the baby crying. But the tests had to be done to figure the next course of medical treatment. I can’t describe the thoughts and emotions that such moments take you to! And the very last baby had a kidney problem that was undergoing dialysis. I wondered how she was bearing it, and what her family was going through.

Suffice to say, that those 10 minutes in the NICU taught me more lessons of life than any text book or classroom. And one of the most important lessons is to think before I utter the words “Life’s NOT Fair

Yes, sometimes life’s NOT fair. BUT maybe there’s a reason. Maybe that’s your karma. Maybe there is something FAIRER. Maybe it could be worse. Maybe ……..

And over the last few days, I’ve been stumped when healthy, well-educated individuals from good well-to-do families and leading reasonably decent lives have said again and again and again “Life’s NOT Fair” – when faced with the first challenge, an unexpected hurdle, unanticipated circumstance, unplanned event or minor ailment..

Honestly, I have nothing to say to them.. Just this.. Think about those babies in the NICU and their parents and ask yourself “IS LIFE REALLY NOT FAIR?”. You many just get a different answer, view and perspective!

Waiting to hear, leave a comment to let me know.

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22 thoughts on “Life’s NOT FAIR (Guest Post by Nischala Murthy Kaushik)

  1. That had me crying! Nischala, what a beautiful post. So glad your little girl recovered quickly. With babies, one always has to be on high alert.
    God bless you for noticing the other babies the next day – it is not everyone that does that. Reality is such a tough teacher!
    Hugs and thank you for sharing your experience.
    Thank you Rekha – two wonderful women on the same page – yes, I love it! Hugs!

    • Vidya – Thanks so much for your kind words. We were so glad that she was OK, I can’t tell you how slowly time went by those few hours. And yes, you have to be on HIGH ALERT, specially in the initial few days because a lot of things are new to everyone. And yes, life is indeed the best teacher. Thanks for leaving a comment

  2. Hey Nischala, 

    I just finished reading the post and I must say we do connect with each other as mothers, as individuals who have been through almost the same kind of situations. And you are very true when you say, such situations teach us much more than any book, classroom or any other medium. Life indeed is much much fairer giving us chances time and again. 

    My younger one was admitted to hospital just 8 days after her birth. She suffered jaundice and her count was 24 (normal is below 10). I had cracked nipples and couldn’t feed her. When we tried expressing milk and feed her, we only got a mixture of milk and blood. So Lil Love can proudly say, “Meine maa ka dhoodh bhi piya hai aur khoon bhi choosa hai…” 🙂 She was there in the hospital just for two days, but those two days were hell for me and as you mentioned it was only once she was fine that my eyes fell on the other kids that accompanied her in the NICU. Life is much much tougher for many others and hence we must always bhi thankful for whatever little we get. That indeed is something that someone else is not blessed with.

    Thank you so much for such a meaningful and insightful post. 🙂

    This was my email response to her post and I felt this had to be here too.

    • Rekha – Firstly, thank you so much for this opportunity. Truly appreciate it. And you are so right, life and personal experiences are indeed the best teacher. As for your baby’s story, even though jaundice is common, I know how agonizing those days can be, Ha Ha.. about milk and khoon :).. kya filmi lines hain.. I love your spirit, you can add a dash on humor and wit in just about anything. And once again, love your blog and writings. Look forward to more

  3. Hugs to you Nischala. Glad that your baby is fine and healthy. Life is definitely NOT fair but that’s the most fair thing about it, I guess.

    Thanks for bringing this to us, Rekha 🙂

    • Thanks Kajal for stopping by, and we were also glad that all was well.. “Life is definitely NOT fair but that’s the most fair thing about it, I guess.” Profound!

  4. Wonderful post Nischala. And of course Rekha – Thank you for hosting Nischala on your esteemed blog.

    Nischala / Rekha – I relate to your post/comment, on a very personal level. Our son, Rishi, spent the first 4 weeks of his life in the NICU, undergoing tests for suspected epilepsy. It was probably the most trying period of our lives – literally living the nightmare every single day, every single second. And we had no one around for support, since we were in London at that point. His little arm and legs were pierced so many times over the course of the treatment, that at one point his tiny views turned almost black. But then, as you said, there were babies who had been in the NICU for months with no sign of getting better. Now, 20 months on, watching our son run around and play is almost a miracle that we never thought we’d see. Yes, life’s not always fair. But it’s about the balance isn’t it…what goes around, comes around. And things are rarely always bad!

    Beautiful post:)

    • Thanks Sid. 4 weeks is a long time. Kudos for braving it – But then what choice do we have as parents? I think such moments also strengthen your bond as a couple. I shudder to think about those pricks Sid, I HATE even going for vaccinations , but then no choice right? SO glad that your son is all well, and those days are a thing of the past! Miracles happen – to the good guys…. And yes, fully agree that what goes around comes around. And even a clock which stops is right twice a day! So it can never really be that bad! Thanks again for sharing your personal story. !

  5. Thank you Rekha for giving an opportunity to read such a beautiful post written by Nischala. My eyes were moist while going through each and every word . I can understand your feeling when your baby was in NICU. Excellent post.

    • Aww! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I can’t tell you how difficult those few hours were. Suffice to say, I wish no baby / parents ever have to visit the NICU! Wishful thinking

  6. Wow, now that is some post that you have put up here Nischala. The fact that you had an open heart and mind to notice all the other babies in the NICU on the very next day that your little one underwent such an ordeal speaks volumes for how much you actually care for your fellow human beings.

    Such a wonderful post highlighting the fact that invariably in life, there is always someone whose lot is way worse off than ours. Extremely important lesson for all of us.

  7. We go through so much in life and oblivious that there are so many who faces worse in the moment of tribulations. It’s a beautiful post that shed light on so many things and such an important lesson in life. I can sense the love of a mother for her child and glad that the baby is healthy now. Keep going, Nischala:)

  8. Nothing can be worse than watching your child suffer in any way. Not many have the heart to feel the pain of others. You did. And yes, life is not fair. One look at the newspaper confirms this…….four year old raped, six month old found in a dustbin, ten year old diagnosed with a dreaded disease. Those who need further proof need to visit the nearest hospital. No, life is not fair.

    • Alka – Thanks for reading. I agree that watching your children suffer is so damn difficult, especially when they are in that age / stage that they cannot really express. Life is NOT FAIR, – I know what you mean. But when I read such news items, I count my blessings!

  9. Absolutely beautiful post Nischala. Glad your little girl was okay. Took me back in time, when both my babies encountered the same thing. Thankfully they were okay too. You have a big heart Nischala for noticing those babies. God Bless.

    • thanks Suzy. from the comments above, I guess many parents do have such situations to deal with. those moments are a nightmare! glad that your kids were fine too, they are so small n vulnerable.. stay blesssed!

  10. Nischala, that was a very heartwarming post! Very happy that your lil one was ok. And yeah, life is definitely not fair at times… and maybe as you said there’s a season for everything. Some years back, I lost a friend in an accident. Till then I was blind to all those deaths and illness around. But when something happens to our dear, then only we could register the agony of the situation and about other fellow beings.

    • Thanks Susan for reading. I agree that sometimes we are so into our own worlds that it takes a jolt of reality to bring us back to reality. Some sympathy, compassion and empathy do a long way!

  11. First of all, hugs to you. As a mother I can understand what you must have gone through. It is so tough watching our child that way and am so glad that your little one is perfectly fine! Yes, indeed sometimes we get hassled and wonder why we were chosen for a certain adversity. It is life and this is the way it is! I guess we have to do the best in what is doled out to us. My sil had triplets and her babies spent a substantial amount of time in the NICU before coming home.

    • Thanks Rachna for reading. Life is indeed the best teacher, and adversity is a necessary and integral part of life. the best is if you can introspect and internalize the lessons! Triplets Wow! I guess with multiple births, generally the babies spend more time in the NICU than other kids. Hope they are doing good now, and I guess he must be really busy 🙂

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