This post is written for WRITE TRIBE – Letters unsent.
This time we will be focusing on the pain aspect, and the prompt for the fortnight is to write a letter to:
The person who caused you a lot of pain / Some one you wish you could forgive.
I wouldn’t waste my time describing someone who caused me immense pain. Once upon a time we were best friends.
I’ll straight away get into the letter.
Dear So and So,
As they say, a woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets. It truly is. There were hidden secrets that I had always wanted to hide from everyone else and at times from myself too. Being a person of such introvert nature, I am myself surprised at how I allowed you an easy entry into my life. May be all my close friends parting ways with me made me long for someone. May be I was tired of the weight I was carrying within and was longing for someone I could share it with. May be you caught me at the very right and unexpected point in time. I never knew how within a short span of time I became so friendly with you that I almost shared every possible thing with you. All my secrets that I had hidden all along with so much patience were all out there in the open for you. I was never confident about myself, but I had complete faith in you.
I loved your company very much. It was after years that I was at peace with myself. I felt there was someone who knew me inside out. I was so so confident of you that I could do anything that you asked me to and I believed everything that you said. The little chit-chats, the many phone-calls, the few letters, were all so dear to me. To me you were everything that I did not have in life at that moment. Everything that I had longed for all my life. You were a sister/brother, you were a friend, you were a soul mate, you were a reflection of me. You were everything I could ask for. You helped me solve so many problems. You made life look beautiful and worthwhile to me.
You were much much more than just a friend. A companion for life. Or so I thought. May be the warmth that I felt in the relationship was just one-sided. It was never the same for you. But I was unaware.
The very first time you just vanished without a word, I broke. It was hell. I can’t explain how much effort I had to put in to collect the broken pieces and gather myself back. I forgave you and decided to move on with the flow of life.
You came back when I had managed to completely erase (almost) all the pain that you had given me. I was determined not to allow you again into my life. You pleaded. You promised you would always be there. You promised that you would never leave me alone whichever part of the world you were in. I fell for your words once again.
You shattered me many more times in a similar manner. My mistake was I never confronted you because of the fear that I’ll loose the friendship. But honestly, after the first time I was used to this game of hide and seek. It didn’t pain as much. Or may be I was used to getting hurt again and again. What hurt me more was every time you left, you never bothered to let me know what my mistake was and every time you came back, you didn’t bother to answer me when I asked, “Why again?“
I’m glad that the last time you tried to come back, I finally had the courage to confront you. I gave you my piece of mind on why I’m not available to be used and thrown as per your wish. You always took me for granted. You had high expectations from me. My mistake that I lived up to your expectation each time. But this time I was sure I don’t need someone who disrespected my feelings and used me as a kitchen wipe.
The best was when you said that you didn’t trust me anymore and you didn’t want to have any relationship with me. Believe me, there never was one between you and me. It was always me who had tried to save whatever I could.
It took me all my might to say those few last words, “Consider me dead and never ever show up your face ever again.“
Trust me when I say I’ll never ever be able to forgive you the many times you left me without a word. I would never be able to forgive you the tears that I have shed. I would never be able to forgive the sleepless nights I have spent just questioning myself on what was my mistake and where did I go wrong. I would never be able to forgive the scars that you left in my heart.
But trust me, I’ll always keep praying for your well-being, because you’re still much more dearer to me than you know.
No Love, No Hatred,
And never yours,
Picture Courtesy: Google Image Search