Don’t Praise, But Do Compliment

There is probably no soul on earth that can live without getting complimented every once in a while. Age is no bar when it comes to receiving compliments. Compliments are often remembered for a long time after they’re spoken. Its effects are multifold.

  • It provides the necessary elevation to one’s identity.
  • It encourages the receiver to improve further.
  • It inspires them to make an effort.
  • It builds self-confidence.
  • It heals aching hearts.

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Acknowledging them is one of the best things we can do to have a positive impact on the people around us.

“Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.” ― John C. Maxwell

Children are no different. They are ever hungry for compliments and encouragement.

The finished bottle of milk by an infant, a simple straight line drawn by a toddler, the first sentence spoken by your child, a colorful treat made by your girl, a consolation prize won by your boy, all of these need to be complimented. Wondering why? The efforts put in for each of these simple acts, needs to be recognized for the child to make an effort to do better in the future.

When you compliment them for having accepted their mistake, you’re encouraging them to be honest and be trustworthy.

Encouragement works like magic. When you compliment them for having accepted their mistake, you’re encouraging them to be honest and be trustworthy.When we do not think twice before disapproving a wrong deed of theirs, should we shy away from complimenting them for the right deed? No. We must make an effort to recognize their strengths and help them improve upon their weaknesses. Encouragement gives a boost to their identity. They feel accepted. Acceptance is bliss.

It is not necessary to wait for a perfect occasion or a perfect deed to compliment them. Getting a glass of water for you as soon as you’re back from work is itself a great act of kindness. A smile with a “Thank you darling!” is well deserved. Isn’t it?

A “Good job” on your appraisal form from your manager makes you want to do better… Right??? So imagine how it works with an innocent little child. It also helps them realize there are bigger things to achieve and they need to strive hard to achieve those.

Compliment them even when they fail with “At least you tried. Next time you’ll do much better.” This helps in the process of growth and helps build enthusiasm in the young souls. It also makes them feel that they are not alone in this expedition. It shows them that you care and that you are with them.

This is the scene I bump into most evenings and like any normal parent I also end up screaming and shouting at my girls for having messed up the floor. But I do make it a point to compliment them when they help me clear it. It helps remove hard feelings.

The most important thing to keep in mind is the thin line between compliment and flattery (or praise).

The most important thing to keep in mind is the thin line between compliment and flattery (or praise). The child should never take the compliments for granted. He/she should not feel superior in any way, just because you’re complimenting. It’s as simple as the difference between “You’ve done well.” and “You’re the best.” The former lets them know that there is still room for further improvement. Whereas the latter claims they’ve reached the peak of improvement. A perfect mix of ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, ‘Do’ and ‘Don’t’, ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ and ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’, is what keeps the momentum going.

What is your take on this? I am sure you have your own stories and experiences to share.

(This post was first published at Parentous)

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9 Replies to “Don’t Praise, But Do Compliment”

  1. After reading the entire post on parentous.com, I decided to pay you a compliment here: Well written!

    Not only to children, this applies to many others, especially service providers (as against product suppliers). Many of us complain if the service is bad, but very few of us compliment when the service is good.

  2. This was such a wonderful post clearly mirroring my thoughts on this topic. Have to completely agree with you when you say that as parents we need to be careful in not crossing over the line which separates necessary praise from unnecessary compliments. After all, we don’t want our children to have an over-inflated ego and an unnecessarily hyped up impression of themselves as well 😀

  3. It’s actually a interesting as well as helpful bit of details. We’re happy you shared this helpful information and facts around. You should stop us up to date this way. We appreciate you discussing.

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