Never Quit!

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  • Flunked in the exams?
  • Had a break-up with a long-time girl-friend/boyfriend?
  • Couldn’t get married to the love of your life?
  • Cheated upon by your spouse?
  • Subjected to domestic violence?
  • Failure in business?

Suicide.

Is that the only thing up there on your mind? 

No, you’re not alone, my friend. It has happened with a lot of us. Some were successful in their attempt, some were contemplating and never found the courage to implement their plans and for some others, it was just a stupid thought that passed  by their minds. We all thought that it was the end of the road. 

I am one from the third category. No, I did not flunk. Neither did I break-up with someone.

A love marriage against the wishes of both set of parents. The usual drama that follows in every love story.

Rejection, Blaming, Accusations, Abandoning, everything followed. A time of our lives which I wish never comes back. Everything and trust me, everything was going wrong. My own Dad, though painfully did abandon me by way of not responding to me for a full 18 months, My in-laws abandoned me for I had snatched away their first-born. And then a gynecological disorder, which rendered me as infertile. With a husband who used to be a sales man travelling for almost 3 weeks a month, and no one back home to even offer a shoulder to cry on, I had enough and more time and space in my mind to offer to the devil for his workshop. The wild thought of quitting did pass through my mind many a times during those dark days. 

At this point in time, when I have just stepped into my 35th living year, I look back and am glad that I did not commit any such foolish attempt. I’m glad I wasn’t courageous enough to commit such a heinous crime. I have everyone with me, including both set of parents (especially my wonderful Dad who was only worried because of the dowry deaths and burning that he witnessed in our neighborhood), a wonderful life partner, two little angels and everything one could ask for. Every time I get back into those memories, I feel more and more glad about having failed at it. If I had committed this crime, I would have missed all these wonderful times that I enjoy now. Isn’t it?

All those ugly moments have only made me stronger than ever before. I now speak up for myself. I refuse to do things that I do not relate to. 

The trouble with us is we wish to please anyone and everyone. In the mad rush to be a good son/daughter, a good husband/wife, a good daughter-in-law, and the likes, we forget who we actually are. Stop being someone else to attract people who don’t even care about what you’re going through or what you feel. Be yourself and see the difference. The day I refused to be anyone other than myself, was the day I actually made it clear to everyone including myself that I’ll not quit. This beautiful life that is offered to me is mine and I at any cost will make it even more beautiful. 

The mistake we make is tagging certain things as the most important milestones in our life, rather oxygen units in the cylinder of life. Having flunked in the exams is not the end of the road. Breaking up is not at all unusual. Your spouse cheating upon you is not the end of your life. Being unable to bear a child is not the gravest sin you’ve committed.

The gravest sin is not letting the ‘you’ in you to come out and enjoy life. 

Speak up. Convey your point. Refuse things as and when necessary. Stop pleasing all and sundry. You’re not going to be adorned with any medal for being the good, better, best. You can only make others happy, if you are happy and satisfied.

Never Ever Quit!

Life is Beautiful and full of surprises. Have patience while it unfolds.

‘You’ are a precious treasure of the Almighty and you are assigned to take good care of yourself.

P.S. This was composed ever since I read Amit’s post, A failed suicide attempt. Scheduled and removed, again and again. It was supposed to be my entry on my birthday on the 6th at the #WriteTribe Festival of Words, but then I had removed it fearing it’ll be painful for my loved ones, especially my parents. But Corrine‘s message this evening,

“…if one life was saved by his openness, then was worth reliving the incident in his mind.”

gave my inner voice a power to share this with all of you. I wish to apologize to my parents, husband and sister for the very cowardice thought that passed my mind years back. 

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60 Replies to “Never Quit!”

  1. I agree Rekha.

    Never Ever Quit. When I was doing my research. My lab had a swan who had a frog in his beak. The frog was holding the neck of the swan by its hands even though he was at the brink of his death. That picture helped me finish my thesis…phew!

    Beautiful post!

  2. I once heard suicide described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem – Our challenges are only temporary and I applaud your courage in speaking out your courage far outweighs any other attribute – Best wishes

  3. Rekha, hats off to you for having the courage to blog about this personal experience!

    Because of the mindset that “if you are seeing a psychiatrist then you are mad”, many persons with psychological/psychiatric issues (and their families) avoid treatment or counselling, leading to worsening of their condition.
    We need to understand that a psychiatrist treats the brain just as a cardiologist treats the heart, etc. The brain is just another organ of the body. We must remove the stigma associated with mental health issues.

    (This is exactly what I commented on Amit’s post. I’ve copy-pasted the comment here. I think it’s important to remove the stigma associated with mental health issues. A diabetic doesn’t apologise for being diabetic!)

    1. Exactly. The trouble is most of the crowd has grown up with the attitude of the small kids who tease each other saying, “He/She is MENTAL.” without even bothering to know the exact meaning of mental.

      As per psychiatrists, every person has mental stress. It’s just a matter of the varied levels based on the circumstances which in turn cause a chemical imbalance in some of the affected people. Proper counselling and medication does help improve the condition.

  4. Its absolutely fine to fail at ‘anything’ as long as we have a sense of self. Once that is lost even in the most meaningful things, we will find failure. So yes, having a ‘you’ in yourself is so so so important. Thanks for sharing this Rekha 🙂

  5. You are brave to fight the feeling of despair. I’m glad that you are in a better place enjoying precious moments with your loved ones. You’ve rightly pointed out that we can be happy just by being ourselves. Beautiful post Rekha !

  6. Dear You should be sorry as till date I remember from 17th Dec 2002 evening till 18th Dec 2012 afternoon how I had spend without even a drop of water just to see you and the words of our mother anybody can abandon her but how can I you are always and always the loved one and regarding Papa I know I need not tell you anything.

  7. We all need to keep it in our minds that failing is okay. It happens. In addition to it, we also need to tell our loved ones that its okay to fail, it happens, when they fail at something so that they are aware that we are standing by them in their hard time. 🙂 Very good post.

  8. “The day I refused to be anyone other than myself, was the day I actually made it clear to everyone including myself that I’ll not quit. ” – How wonderful, Rekha. I love the way you have appropriated one of the gravest problems besetting the depressed by reading it into your personal context. Hats off! Brilliant and inspiring post!

    1. Thanks Sakshi! I don’t know why but most of Indian parents still believe that having given birth to a child gives them the right to control him/her completely like a puppet. They want them to excel in every phase of life, but when it comes to taking decisions, they cannot let them take it independently. Every day I hope more and more people change their mentality and break the tradition for good. Let’s hope for the good.

  9. Well said. We all experience ups and downs. The mantra is ‘Never Quit’. I read this today, if you kill yourself tonight, someone is going to cry over your grave. If you kill yourself tonight, the person you stumble into tomorrow that may change your life will never happen. Live your life for tomorrow!!

  10. Rekha, this was such an absolutely wonderful and brave post. It takes real guts to narrate a real life incident like this, and open your heart up like this on your blog. And the fact that you did this only to ensure that the message reaches your readers and for no other reason is simply commendable.

    Am so so happy that you didn’t take one bad decision and are now living a healthy, contented life because you didn’t.

  11. Rekha, I salute you, your courage to not give up after all the problems you faced and your courage to share this with us.. wish you all the very best in your life ahead..

  12. Rekha ,first I bow to you for refraining from taking the wrong step.Second to be brave for coming out in the open to accept it without thinking of the so called stigma attached to it. As you have said life is so beautiful that it has to be experienced even at its lowest nadir.This piece touched my heart.

  13. Hugs…you’ve shown courage by writing this post and making it out in the open for everyone to read !!!

    A suicide by my own uncle has totally killed his family and I know the amount of mental torture they go through, even now after 14 years. Apart from showing cowardice to face life, that person goes down in their image among the minds of loved ones, which is very important.

    Am sure this post will make a difference to many !!!

  14. Hugs Rekha, tight tight hugs! I’m so glad you wrote this! I knew your story only partially, from what I had from Amma. I cant even bear to imagine the turmoil you must have gone through at that time. I’m so happy that you had the courage to brush aside those dreadful thoughts from your mind and take life head on. Even gladder that everything is fine now, and you’re happier and so much more secure with the your loved ones in your life!

    It looks I missed your bday and Satyamteacher’s too! Sorry for that! Belated wishes to both of you 🙂

    May you stay blessed today and always, sweetheart 🙂

    1. Di, few words are better left unsaid.

      I am aware that there are many others who are in similar or even worst situations and I just want them to know that all this is just momentary. Things that troubled me back then, look insignificant now and many a times, I laugh at myself thinking why was all that commotion required at all. Thankfully, I had an extremely supportive husband and a loving family which stood by me during those testing times. I’ve troubled them so much, that any amount of apology will not do any good. I am really thankful to them for having been my pillars of support through all of it. And to the Almighty, I have no words.

      Another thing that I gathered from all of it was that we create unnecessary stress for one another for no specific reason. Everyone does it out of fear. For fear of losing someone, for fear of the society, for fear of losing control….so on. The moment everyone stops fearing of what others will say, most things will fall back in place.

      Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot.

  15. Hi Rekha, That was a brave post and your courage is commendable. Most of us are guilty of treating thoughts of suicide/attempts as cowardice.. specifically pointing to your ending repartee, I see a brave girl who supported herself without any one’s help. That is a courageous thing to do. Nothing to be apologetic about.

    1. Hi, I wouldn’t say without anyone’s help. I had the good fortune to have a good family and some great medical practitioners. I owe them a lot. Yeah…no apology to anyone except the family that stood by me and tolerated me.

  16. It was beautiful… and very honest. It made me feel I am not alone, battered disappointed kicked in the gut by life but guess what living! And definitely continuing the fight with a smile and with love. I loved it rekha a lot! I don’t have words to describe how much. Gonna share it around on facebook and twitter, need the world to know how they are not alone 🙂

    Richa

  17. A very thought provoking post, Rekha. Really appreciate your boldness in writing this. And happy that you held on, and that time proved your decision was right. May this post be a beacon of hope for someone in need.

  18. Hugs Rekha! Proud of you for sharing your personal trauma and for showing that you could come out of the despair stronger conveying the very important message that life may hit rock bottom and all may seem lost but there is always a tiny ray of hope that we must cling on that will lead us to better things in life.

  19. yes, we all do have such stupid thoughts once in our life.. but the the ‘never quite’ message must be remembered always. I am proud of you, Rekha, for you showed up the courage to write this and secondly, for you did not quit! We must have more ladies like you in our society.

    Best wishes for your future.

  20. Rekha, I respect you for being brave and speaking out on suicide. It require courage to share your pain with us and you are indeed a strong lady. I also had suicide ideation from time to time and believe one shouldn’t be ashamed of speaking about it. Wish you all the best in life and you are truly blessed:)

  21. Bravo Rekha! You are right that during darkest hour the mind follows devil’s instructions…but at the same time angels also tread to help the confused minds…I appreciate you for sharing this with all of us…All the very best 🙂

  22. Incredible and heart warming as I keep reading this post. It spreads positive vibration on true virtue of life. Glad you are in a happy phase now and an living example to youngsters who are facing the similar situation. Moreover, I am glad to connect with you Rekha 🙂

  23. you said it all in the end – The gravest sin is not letting the ‘you’ in you to come out and enjoy life. ! So true. so brave of u to come out of the thought and lead life normally and happily , after all life is a bigger joy than anything else !
    Take care and thanks for penning this down

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