Whom do you love more?

A question I have asked my mom infinite number of times.

Whom do you love more? Me or my little sis?

The last time I asked her was probably just before Anu was born. Just 7 years back. 🙂 😀

It’s no surprise when I am being asked the same question.

My darling whom I scolded so badly this morning, has come back from school with two candies that she received on account of a friend’s birthday. She gave one to little Love and the other one to me. She doesn’t generally offer me anything sweet, for I am a little too sweet owing to my genes which have inherited diabetes. She generally says, “You don’t need it. You have sugar naa…” 🙂

But today is different. I have brought in 250 gms of her favourite Kaju Katli and bought them a Choca Mocha each on way from school.Yes, we are friends again. 🙂

We have a lot to learn from kids. From loving unconditionally to forgiving easily. We adults take things too personally and hold on to grudges for a longer time. All this to repent later when we loose that time and the person.

Back to the question…

My baby asked me the same question in the same manner I used to ask my Mom after a fight and being friends again. 🙂

I have to be very honest here.

The first person I love most is you my darling. It’s you, Anu. For you are the one who made me know what motherhood is, you’re the one who called me ‘Mom’ first. You’re the one for whom I have recorded every single and simple piece of information from the first time I saw you yawn in my womb to your recent change in behavior owing to a syndrome called growing up. 🙂 Your kicks and hiccups, the first time I kissed you in the labor room, the first time I fed you, the first time you held my finger, the first time you smiled, the first time you crawled, the first time you spoke, the first time you started walking. I still cherish each and every single moment of the journey called motherhood that I traveled with you. Here’s a pic of the box that I have kept inside the locker of my wardrobe.

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Mamma’s Magic Pandora

Wanna know what’s there inside? Scroll down…

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Anu’s first ever dress, her bangles, her umbilical cord drop off, the Preg Test kit that told me she’s arrived 🙂

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Lil Love’s Mundu that she wore on her Choroonu (Annaprashan), the umbilical cord drop off, Preg Test Kit. 🙂

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I treasure them more than my life. 🙂

My Dad, Mr. Right and many others feel that I am some sort of a crack to be keeping all of these. But then I guess only mothers can understand how much they cherish each and every little thing to do with their child and how we want to keep every little moment close to our heart. They’ll grow up and travel away to far off lands, but for us they’ll never grow out of our heart.  🙂

I do not want Little Love to feel at any point in time that Mamma loves her any less. Mamma loves her equally. It’s just that Little Love has two mothers…one in me and the other in Anu. I gave her birth, but Anu is the one who teaches her things that she needs to know to live in this world. Every small thing that she teaches her is noticed by me, but it’s just lack of time which doesn’t allow me to acknowledge the same in time. Be it the way she taught her to first switch on the cold water tap so that she doesn’t get burns, or be it the way she taught her to hold the spoon, or be it the way she taught her to handle the bullies in school.

Lil Love is Mamma’s darling too for she has brought in lot of changes in the otherwise shy Anu. She’s made her more responsible, a bit more social, and a bit more smarter. Unfortunately, I have recorded too less of Lil Love’s first times, for I had a 2+ Anu to take care of and a job to attend to. And the naughty little brat she is, I had to spend too much time handling her tantrums, solving their fights, taking care of her bronchitis and adjusting to the 14 different domestic helps that I’ve tried ever since. I am always scared of a day, when Lil Love grows and asks me for the album of her first birthday. Yes, I haven’t yet got the time to sort out the pics and give it for printing. For this fear, I’ve safely hidden Anu’s first birthday album. Though everything  was done in the same manner, but she’ll have a valid question to which I’ll have no answer. The fear has grown, since the time she got upset that she wasn’t there in Anu’s first birthday album. Recently, Anu found out a DVD of her childhood wherein Mr. Right had recorded Anu’s first words, her first few steps, and many more sweet moments. As the DVD went on, I could see Lil Love’s face grew dimmer, for we do not have a DVD of her childhood memories. Thankfully, they both looked the same in childhood and hence I have told her one video is of Anu and the other is of hers. Bad Mommy, I know.

Every single precious moment, Mamma records in her mind, and thinks she’ll thank them later when she has time. But then time gone is gone. And Mamma misses telling them how much it mattered to her. How thankful she was to them.

So Anu dear, here’s the answer to your question…

Mamma loves two people the most….Anu and Lil Love. You can use a weighing balance and check for any anomalies in the statement, if at all the balance can fit in Mamma’s love for you. 🙂

Ummas to my angels who get upset and still forgive Mamma so very easily. 🙂

Lesson Learned:

Never loose your calm so much that you loose yourself.

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22 thoughts on “Whom do you love more?

  1. this was precious. I love hearing Moms speak about the love for their children. So refreshing from the news stories where parents want to send kids a way

    • Thank you, Terry! 🙂

      I’ve really craved for kids and so I can’t imagine sending them away. I just hope my love doesn’t become a hindrance for them ever.

  2. i too hv ir rex,their first clothing,sandals,chordsetc.
    and to be honest i too have been little prejudiced towards my eldr one recording every single moment of her childhood n i share the same feelings
    n now tears r rolling down
    they are our treasures around which our life revolves….its dfficult to imagine lufe widout them
    a vert nice post rex
    u made me crt today:-)

  3. This is so sweet, Rekha. I can completely understand why you keep things related to your children. We moms are extra sentimental. And just like you, there are times when I feel that all that I tormented my mom with is coming back to bite me with my kids. Sigh, I have heard that question too often by my boys as well :). Loved the pics.

    • Yes. For mothers every little thing counts and we are extra sentimental about every tiny effort of theirs. I am also getting back everything that I gave Mom…but thankfully, I’m enjoying every bit of it. 🙂

  4. That was such a sweet and precious post, rekha! Touchwood to this beautiful bond with your girls! Toght hugs to you! You brought a lump in my throat…beautiful post! Aww that box of memories and belongings is the sweetest!

    “We have a lot to learn from kids. From loving unconditionally to forgiving easily. We adults take things too personally and hold on to grudges for a longer time. All this to repent later when we loose that time and the person.” Thats so so true!

    Bless you Rekhakutty 🙂

    • Thank you, Di! Scribblings of a senti-cum-mental Mom. Their father told them the gist of the post and showed them the box that very night and then you know what sentimental Mom would have been uo to. 😀

  5. Awww… very touching indeed! When my first one arrived, and as he progressed, I noted down all those dates and things. With the second one, time was never enough to be so detailed and comprehensive in recording the dates 😀 Sigh. Luckily he hasn’t really asked 🙂 Though, of course, I have mentioned it!
    But now that both are married, they certainly will know, first hand, how it is, when they become parents 😀
    Lovely, lovely post, Rekha!

    • Thank you again Ma’am! Motherhood is something I really enjoy, may be coz it came after lot of craving and pains. Every mother might be having this guilt for the second child and I hope one day Lil Love too understands.

      Your comment means a lot. Do give me your feedback regularly, so I can improve. 🙂

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